How to Support a Friend Facing an Unplanned Pregnancy: Practical Tips for Being There

When a friend tells you she's facing an unexpected pregnancy, you want to be there for her, but knowing exactly what to say can feel overwhelming. You want to encourage her without pressuring her, and be available without overwhelming her. The good news is being there for a friend in this situation is much easier than it appears. You basically just need to listen, lend a helping hand (if applicable), and help her find reliable information and local resources she can trust.

Listen First to the Friend

The number one thing you can do for your friend is to allow her to talk. Many women who come to us after an abortion say the fear of being judged was one of the hardest parts. Therefore, allow your friend to talk freely and express whatever she wants as she tells you her story. Don't jump in to offer solutions or an opinion immediately. Just listen.

You can say something simple such as "I am here for you, no matter what." That can mean so much for your friend because she knows you're on her side without telling her what to do next. If she wants your opinion, she'll ask for it, let her lead that conversation.

Things That Are Acceptable to Say (and Should Not Be Said)

It's common to worry about saying something wrong. Here are a few things you can say that tend to go over well:

• "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me."

• "You don't need to go through this alone."

• "Whatever decision you make, I will be with you every step of the way."

On the other hand, phrases like "It will all work out" or "Everything happens for a reason" are best avoided. Even with the best intentions, they often come across as dismissive to someone in a traumatic situation. Phrases like these can downplay her fear and might even add to her feeling of being overwhelmed. You can't "fix" her feelings; you can only be there with her while she is in those feelings.

Ways to Help Her Practically

One of the best ways to help her is to offer to provide transportation to appointments. Unfortunately, many women in Grant County lack access to transportation to appointments; therefore, access to transportation can determine whether a woman can obtain free pregnancy testing at the Crossroads Resource Center in Moses Lake or will need to wait until she can arrange a ride.

Additionally, you can offer to attend the ultrasound appointment with her. This may seem simple, but having a familiar face in the waiting room can help increase a woman's sense of safety during her appointment. Remember, your role is to support her, not to help her decide what to do.

Supporting Her Finding Accurate Information

Women frequently receive contradictory information about their pregnancy when searching for reliable answers. They often find information that frightens them into thinking they must decide faster than they feel ready.

At Crossroads, we offer free, confidential services where women can verify their pregnancies and be educated on their options to make a more informed decision. We'll address all three, abortion, adoption and parenting, so the woman has the information necessary to make the best choice for herself, not what others think she should do.

You will be able to help her with research or by calling ahead of time to see what to expect from a pregnancy help center. That may also help alleviate some of her anxiety regarding making an appointment.

When She's Attending School

If your friend is still in high school or just starting college, she may also be anxious about confidentiality. Will her parents find out? Will the school know? All of our appointments are strictly confidential at Crossroads. We won't contact her parents. And we'll work with her to accommodate her school schedule. We may even be able to schedule her appointment during her lunch break or after school on days that our clinic is open. This flexibility might provide some peace of mind while she's sorting out her options.

You Don't Have to Have All the Answers

Most people do not realize that they do not need to have all of the answers.

If your friend is ready to talk to a qualified medical professional regarding questions and education relative to her options, you may want to contact Crossroads at (509) 765-4425 or stop by to meet with us at 1555 S. Pilgrim St., Moses Lake, WA 98837. All services are free and don't require insurance.